Although I've been out of the limelight for more than 20 years, I still get dozens of autograph requests every month. About six months ago, though, I received a letter that read, "If I could only live your life...." That's when I decided enough was enough. The Sandra Dee I was promoting was a creation of Hollywood. It was a lie I no longer wanted to support.
I was born Alexandra Zuck in Bayonne NJ in 1942. My real father was a drunk. My mother, who was only 18 when she had me, divorced him before I turned five. I never saw him again. My mother worked as a secretary, and everything was great until the third grade, when something freaky happened to me. I developed a bust. Within a couple of years I was a 34D, and was mortified. My mother suggested taping myself up. I realize now she never wanted me to grow up. So she dressed me in little velvet dresses with my chest taped underneath.
In 1950 my mother married Eugene Douvan. He owned buildings around New York City and was 40 years older than she was. He used to say "I'm not marrying your mother. I'm marrying both of you." I loved that man, but he was like two people. While my mother was dating him, he began fondling me. After they got married, it got worse. I went with them on their honeymoon to Atlantic City. After a movie we went back to our hotel, and we all got in bed together. He had me sleep in the middle. That became the routine. My dad got me to have sex with him. I didn't understand what was going on. I was a child. By the time I was 11, I knew it wasn't right. But what could I do, tell my mother ? I figured she knew.
The shame I felt was awful. I used to tell myself, "That's a stranger who's doing this to me." That's how I rationalized it. I said it didn't matter, that I didn't care. But it does matter. I do care. It just took me 30 years to feel the full impact and confront the truth.
One day not long after they were married, my mother and dad and I went out for breakfast. Afterward my dad patted my stomach and said, "Whoops, too many pancakes." I was horrified. My dad's remark was in jest, but it bothered me. I was already sensitive about the way I looked, and I suddenly thought I wasn't perfect in his and my mother's eyes. From that day on, I did everything I could do to destroy my body. I ate nothing but lettuce one entire year. The next year I had nothing but broiled shrimp. My mother tried to get me to eat. We had screaming tortured fights. But I was adamant. If I couldn't control my body or my brassiere size, I could control what I put in my mouth.
When I was ten, we moved from Long Island to Manhattan. Because we traveled a lot, I was enrolled in the Professional Children's School , made up mostly of kids who were performers, which let me have a flexible schedule.After school the kids used to go out on auditions , and they urged me to tag along, The first time I went out , a woman asked me to appear each month in the Girl Scouts magazines. Soon after, I signed with a modeling agency. I worked all the time. One year, when I was 14, I made over $ 70,000.
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