My life had changed so abruptly. I had to learn about marriage, career and managing a house that always seemed to be filled with Bobby's friends and entourage. I had no friends of my own. I was completely isolated. Then, to complicate matters I became pregnant. I lost the baby, but the experience brought my mother and me together again. She moved back to California. A month later I became pregnant again, and on Dec. 16, 1961, our son, Dodd was born. I had no intention of going back to work. I wanted to be a mother. But my mother, Bobby and Universal had other ideas. They all knew that if they put Bobby and me in the same movie, he'd convince me to do it. Which is exactly what happened. We were both cast in "If A Man Answers".
On the set I looked like hell. I felt worse. I called my doctor and said , "I don't have the energy to move. Give me a happy pill." The pills, dexa-somethings , made me feel so good I ripped through the day. When I got home I didn't want to take care of the baby, I wanted to go out. The only thing that could bring me down was a drink. That cycle went on for 2 1/2 years. It never interfered with my career but to Bobby I was different. Finally, he got so mad he took the pills to a pharmacy, found out they were speed and threw them out. I continued drinking to get off the speed and then as a way to deal with the dissatisfaction of our marriage. I've always had a problem saying what I feel for fear of having someone dislike me. So I took a drink and got the guts.
In 1963, Bobby quit show business. He idolized John F. Kennedy, and after his death, Bobby didn't see the meaning of performing anymore. Instead, he ran his music publishing company. He started Wayne Newton off, and he continued to write songs, I had a clause in my contract that got me home by 7 '0 clock. His entourage was gone. I grew up a little more. It was a good life. But Bobby had a cold streak in him. He could turn you off like a light switch. After nearly seven years of marriage he did that to me.
I remember it clearly. It was April 23, 1966, my 24th birthday. We were at a party and I was talking to Warren Beatty about our doing a film together. It was all very nothing. But it was the first time Bobby observed me with a a handsome man who had a reputation in Hollywood. Bobby saw me as a woman capable of making decisions on my own,and I think he got scared. When I got home from work the next day, his clothes were gone. I didn't know what happened. A few day's later a friend called to say Bobby wasn't returning.
The divorce became final in December 1967, but Bobby kept coming back. And always with an illness. They were never serious --just an excuse to to stay over, I thought. That's why I didn't believe him a few years later when he got so sick. He'd had an irregular heartbeat that developed because of childhood bouts with rheumatic fever. Finally in 1971, he had surgery to replace two valves.
His condition began deteriorating again in October 1973, and in December he was operated on for congestive heart failure. He died on December 20. I hadn't been interested in working for years, but Bobby's death took the wind right out of me. Afterward I didn't even want to be seen.
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