Bobby Darin

The Proper Gander


     There was a white mouse consultation
      Down at the county fair
      All the church mice, field mice and not
         so nice mice
      Everybody gathered there
      You see the muckidy muck he was
         speakin', tellin' them where it was at
      He said hear, hear there ain't nothin' to fear
      Except a three eyed Siamese cat
      And the crowd was stunned
      See, no single mouse had ever seen one
      He said don't be scared
      We're prepared.

      Then he held up a great big picture
      So every mouse could see
      What a three eyed Siamese cat looked like
      The face of the enemy
      And the crowd let out such a shudder
      As they lined up file and rank
      Starin' at a twenty foot picture frame
      Surroundin' a twenty foot blank
      Just empty space
      But every single mouse
      Swore he saw a face
      He said don't be scared
      We're prepared.

      Then the muckidy muck started screamin'
      Yellin' till his voice gave out
      He said now that you've seen what the
         cat looks like
      Gonna tell you what he's all about
      He said he don't eat cheese on Friday
      And he goes around lickin' his paws
      He's awful mean and he loves to keep clean
      And believes in changin' laws
      And the crowd went wild
      And every mouse began to fear for his child
      Don't be scared
      We're prepared.

      Now two times two is forty-five
      The muckidy muck explained
      And the flat side of the moon is green
      And the farmer don't need no rain
      And the night is light and might is right
      And Supermouse is on our side
      And the three eyed Siamese cat's a plague
      From which nobody can hide
      And the mice all cringed
      The whiskers of that cat would soon
         be singed
      Don't be scared
      We're prepared.

      Then the muckidy muck started singin'
      Through his great paternal grin
      And the church mice, field mice
      All the patriotic mice
      Everybody chimed right in
      They sang this land is mice land
      Mice country tis of thee
      Well my father took it from the beaver rat
      Nobody's gonna take it from me
      And the mice all cheered
      The sound that they were makin' sure
         was weird
      Don’t be scared
      We're prepared.

      Then the muckidy muck said line up here
      Everybody give a buck
      To fight the three eyed Siamese cat
         takes money
      And a little bit of luck
      We've got a million of our best young mice
      To go out and volunteer
      To give up what they're livin' for
      To make the cat disappear
      Let's give 'em a hand
      We don't want that cat invadin' our land
      No way
      We're not scared
      We're prepared.

      Then a mighty strange thing happened
      Guess you could call it fate
      You see, a gust of wind blew the picture
         frame down
      And it landed on the muckidy muck's head
      And the mice they all went crazy
      For the first time they saw the lie
      It was all a hoax on just simple folks
      And the muckidy muck must die
      And die he did
      The members of his staff they just fled
      They were scared
      Just not prepared.



Lyrics from liner notes: Bobby Darin Born Walden Robert Cassotto LP

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