This article appeared in the July 1960 issue of Motion Picture Magazine
-- BY Sandra Dee as told to- Lou Larkin
"I'm afraid I shall never be a completely good girl. I try. I try hard and I fail hard. But it doesn't worry me any more. I still try hard. But when I fail I don't go all to pieces as I used to. I'll tell you why.
I've discovered something. I'd heard it. I'd read it. But now I know it.
The teen years are years given to us to make mistakes. They are a trial-and-error period where goofs are forgiven; a time when we can do things we may never be allowed to do again.
One of these things--and please don't put the square sign on me when I tell you--is school.
I mean school with football games and cheer leaders and tough subjects and homework and teachers you'll never forget and boys and notebooks and autographs and lettered sweaters and parties and juke boxes and proms and clubs and corridor laughter between classes.
When I became an actress I had to give up almost all those things. I missed them--and they are gone. They can never happen to me. You don't know how much I wish they could. So don't miss any of those things. Do them all now, while you're young. You'll be sorry if you don't. I know.
I've heard that many teen-agers look on school as a drag. And in almost every case I've discovered that the one who complains loudest is the one who takes the least time to understand what school is all about. The most serious mistake girls
make about school is to assume that the only reason you attend classes is to conjugate a verb, or work on the mystery of "X" in an algebraic equation. Academically, those are important reasons. But, for the moment, forget about English, History, Geometry and concentrate on the most important subject in the world-you!
The real education you get at school, the learning that must last and strengthen you, and help you make something of yourself, is the education that makes you a human being.
Our lives are so full of rights and wrongs: Is it right or wrong to let a boy kiss you on your first date? Is a girl of 15 too young for a sheath dress? How late should you stay out on a date? Is it right or wrong for a girl of 14 to go steady?
If anyone of us had to sit and ponder alone each of those questions plus the hundreds of others that arise in a school week, I think we'd go "kookie." There is a way, though, to solve these problems without going "kookie"--
and that is by getting all you can out of school. In school,
in class and in your relationships with other kids, you can
soak up a lot of knowledge--knowledge that will help you
face all these problems. Believe me, I know.
Until recently I was almost obsessed with the desire to
wear a low-cut, tight-fitting sheath dress. Mom was against
it. The whole idea of not being able to dress as I pleased
bugged me until at last I said to Mom: "Why won't you
let me buy a black sheath dress?"
Mother gave me an indulgent look and said, "Sandy, I
didn't say you couldn't have that dress. I simply said I
wasn't in favor of it."
Well! I could hardly sleep that night thinking of the
crazy black sheath dress I was going to buy the next day.
I bought it, too! And I paid no attention to the saleslady
who was politely trying to tell me the dress wasn't for a
teen-ager.
As I stood in the store with the box under my arm, I
suddenly felt as though I had done something terribly
wrong. I was embarrassed, and I didn't want to go home with that dress.
I left the dress at the store for two days before I had enough
courage to go back to pick it up and take it home. A whole week passed before I dared to wear it. From the moment I wriggled
into it I knew it was wrong. All wrong. In that dress I wasn't
young any more, I wasn't myself. I wasn't a 16-year-old girl. But I'm stubborn--I wore it on a date that night. It was one of the most uncomfortable evenings I'd ever spent. My date was even embarrassed for me!
Now I know for sure that tight-fitting dresses are not for teenagers. I'm not against low necklines because of morals or
anything like that. I just know from experience that a well-fitted, comfortably loose dress is more
attractive to a boy than a skin-tight job.
As I said, the teen years are the learning years. And
learning is sometimes not so much knowing what is right,
as what is wrong!
There's another thing a girl ought to discover while she
is young. It will bring her undreamed of rewards and unexpected happiness. A girl should learn to be nice. I know it sounds icky and square. But call it what you like, being nice is important. I know!
A few years ago my grandmother, whom I love more than words can express, visited me at our home. Granny wasn't too pleased with me when she heard about a couple of things I had done. And she told me so.
I was only 13 then. I became infuriated with Granny for scolding me. I think the real reason for my anger was because she was absolutely right. But rage blinded me. "Get out!" I yelled at Grandma. "Get out of our house! Go away! And don't come back here again!" Oh, how those words must have hurt her. Grandma didn't say anything. Very quietly she put on her coat and hat and walked out the door.
I didn't feel victorious very long. Two minutes after Granny left I hated myself for what I had said. I felt like a monstrous spoiled brat.
Suddenly I was grabbing my hat and coat. I ran out of the house yelling, "Grandma! Come backl Come back! Please come back!" People were staring at me and tears were streaming down my cheeks. But I didn't care.
She stopped and turned around. I could see the tears in her eyes. She put out her arms. In the next moment we were hugging each other.
"I didn't mean it, Grandma, really I didn't," was all I could say.
"I know, Sandy, it's all right," she said softly. Her arms around me felt strong and tight as though they could protect me from harm forever.
That's how I discovered that in one terrible moment you can say or do something to hurt those you love.. If I had been nice, it never would have happened. But since it did happen, it was good that it happened while I was young. If I had been a woman, more stubborn, more hurting and less apt to admit I had been wrong, I might have driven Grandma out of my life and suffered an awful guilt as long as I lived.
One of the most popular complaints girls our age seem to have is that they are not treated like adults by adults. Why should we be treated like adults-we aren't! Let's face facts. We are young, immature, inexperienced, uncertain about our feelings and unsure of our abilities. I don't know of a girl, myself included, who doesn't find it difficult to be what people think we ought to be. But I've di
